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F.H. Salahud-Din

Cutlass (Pre-Order)

Cutlass (Pre-Order)

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Title: Cutlass

Release Date: September 1st

Book Description:

In her most honest and direct work to date, F.H. Salahud-Din presents a profound exploration of the human experience in her new poetry chapbook. Delving deep into the themes of healing, authenticity, intentionality, and self-love, this collection is a raw and unfiltered reflection of her journey.

With a powerful voice and unflinching honesty, F.H. Salahud-Din confronts the darkest moments of her life with grace clarity. Each poem is a testament to resilience and the transformative power of self-love and healing.

This chapbook is not just a collection of poems; it is a reminder of what our lives could be if we chose ourselves. Through her words, F.H. Salahud-Din invites readers to embrace their true selves and find healing in authenticity.

Releasing on September 1st, this chapbook is a must-read for anyone seeking solace, understanding, and a deeper connection to their own journey.

Story Preview

Mama said don’t come home pregnant
that was her sex talk
small, cutting one liners about
how she ain't gonna raise no mo babies
how the only thing open this late
is legs and liquor stores
It never bothered me before
because
I never considered having sex

Never considered being touched
by myself or any one else
because that’s not
what good girls do
they don’t desire
don’t think about what it feels like to be touched on the inside
and my body rumbles
when I think about it now
because I’ve met Malik
and he sees me so clearly
I want him to touch me everywhere
I want to rub his skin with mine
want to make his hard spots
soft
with love
and saliva
I’ve never loved before

In my household the only thing we loved was God
The only men who could be alone with me were my brother and my father
My brother spent most of his nights
chasing what mama called
dunya living
so my nights were spent alone
laying in bed reading
never saying what I thought or what I felt
because who would care?
Anytime I spoke too much
or too little
I was met with a pop in the mouth
A reminder to mind myself
and my manners
and that I was never too old
to get it
So what did I know of love? 

No one ever told me that love would swallow me up
warming more than just my heart
Smoothing out the rough edges
Causing me
to be
beside…myself
inside...myself

Treating me like an equal
Making me feel safe
Asking my opinions
Paying attention to what I liked
How I spoke
The way I smiled
What I wore
How I wrapped my scarf
Touching me gently
Respecting me
Being my friend
LISTENING to me

Malik is a prayer
The type you say
On bended knee
Hands held open like a book
Eyes shut
The type you said
with clarity
Making sure God could hear
every
word
Every
syllable
Every
sound
out loud
Leaving nothing out
The type where
You're hella specific
Because this prayer is important

Story Preview

I am the mothership to five babies

two are here with me

and the other three

are at the gates of the next life waiting

every day they offer prostration for my soul

Jallah III

Baby Koiyan and

Baby Cole 

I say their names daily

because I don’t have the privilege of watching them grow old

and I can still feel the sadness

of their deaths in my bones

so I smudge my womb with their memories

every tear I cry for them is libation

and a reminder to stay patient

with my heart

because none of this is my fault

and even in knowing that their memories haunt me

I did not want to write this

but I knew I had to

because no one speaks for the mothers of dead babies

nobody acknowledges our pain

we have to live in the shadows

we carry so much guilt

we carry so much shame

but not today

today we stand in the light. 

– Motherhood              

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